Anal Gas

Dear Dusty,

I'm sittin' at a baseball game watchin' muh son's team clobber another team. What's the best way to divert everyone's attention from the foul-smellin' gas that I've been passin' cuz I ate too many chili dogs from the concession stand?

Signed,

Anal Gas in Arkanass

Dear Anal Gas in Arkanass you were answered by Shayksis ASS

Just stop talking. All will be well.
Unearned respect
Shayksis

Strickly Speaking

Dear Dusty

Strictly speaking, what is the difference between an ass, a butt, a duff, a can, a kiester, and a rear?
Signed
I'm too lazy to write my name (we know who you are anyway)

Dear I'm too lazy to write my name you were answered by Chaque ASS

Strictly speaking? They are all different words and consequently they are all spelt differently.
Being the smart ASS that I am I know what question you really wanted to ask and the answer is yes, completely alone, in 17 years while ironing your underwear.

Cheating boyfriend

Dear Dusty;

I think my boyfriend is cheating on me.. but with his "best friend" ... last Saturday when they were supposed to be bowling they were spotted dancing together. A "good friend" told me she saw them leave the disco and buy a ham and cheese quiche at a cafe..... do I confront him?

Signed,
Lonely Llama in L-toona

Dear Lonely Llama you were answered by Knodagyn ASS

Oh dear you really are missing the point here aren't you? You really shouldn't need an ASS to tell you this is all about the quiche. If your boyfriend was getting quiche at home he wouldn't be paying cafe prices. I notice you say he had ham and cheese quiche? sometimes it takes a "best friend" to know that you don't like spinach or mushroom quiche and have been pretending you enjoy it all along.
We ASSES know what is going to happen, we are all seeing, all knowing. So yes you will confront him and may I suggest you don't do it in the kitchen and keep your hands in your pockets at all times.
your superior being
Knodagyn

Barry Manilow Crush

Dear Dusty
Please help me I need some ASSistance. I'm in love with Barry Manilow. It hurts soo much I can't sleep at night. I love him soo much I changed my name to Mandy, then when I found out he didn't write the song I changed it to Copacabana. I feel so isolated. I just don't hear his music anymore. My parole officer says no radio station would play him because he's a has-been. There has to be one! Please help me, I really need ASS at the moment.
signed
Copacabana Jones, Halfway house ,Wrexham

Dear Mr Jones..you were answered by Saddaisi ASS:

Oh Jones,if only you knew! Barry Manilow was formed from the light of a sunbeams ray blended with a supernova's spark. He truly is a Celestial being. Most Mortals understand this not.Sigh. This shows you are on the one,blessed path to enlightenment. Take heart! Mr Barry Manilow can still be heard on one radio station, 2hd Fm, Newcastle, Australia. Much love and dancing
Saddaisi