Internet reality check

Dear Dusty,

I was thinking of building a web site (I just found the interwebs), but there are already so many websites out there, I'm afraid I am too late to this party.

Will I be using too much interweb space with my soon to be crappy web site and will I always be trying to catch up with all the people who started working their asses off long before I found the interwebs?

Signed,

n00b b00b

Dear nOOb bOOb today you were answered by Hitchi ASS

You have already taken up too much space on the interwebs by asking your question. You have too much of a negative, controlling personality to be successful as an internet entrepreneur. Let's just say you were never in fact, invited to the party.
Gatecrasher is what you are.

Listen to the advice of those around you. Have faith in what they say.

We do have more messages for you. Beware the female farmer she will be coming for you. Very,very soon. We advise you stay out of the Pole Barn and your genital growth will never improve.
Trust is the key!
Hitchi

Barry Manilow Crush

Dear Dusty
Please help me I need some ASSistance. I'm in love with Barry Manilow. It hurts soo much I can't sleep at night. I love him soo much I changed my name to Mandy, then when I found out he didn't write the song I changed it to Copacabana. I feel so isolated. I just don't hear his music anymore. My parole officer says no radio station would play him because he's a has-been. There has to be one! Please help me, I really need ASS at the moment.
signed
Copacabana Jones, Halfway house ,Wrexham

Dear Mr Jones..you were answered by Saddaisi ASS:

Oh Jones,if only you knew! Barry Manilow was formed from the light of a sunbeams ray blended with a supernova's spark. He truly is a Celestial being. Most Mortals understand this not.Sigh. This shows you are on the one,blessed path to enlightenment. Take heart! Mr Barry Manilow can still be heard on one radio station, 2hd Fm, Newcastle, Australia. Much love and dancing
Saddaisi