Dear Dusty,
I'm worried about my husband. For the past month or so, every time I mention "going to the store" he freaks out and begs me to not to leave him home alone. He's afraid some ho'billy skank will come over and try to give him her hoochie cooties. He gets violently ill when he thinks about it, because he's sure she has to look like the landlady in that movie "Kingpin." *shudder* *gag* Poor man. He wants to know "why can't stalkers be hot?"
Concerned,
Carl's wife
Dear Carl's wife today you were answered by Kixx ASS
One of the keys to understanding this Universe, in fact any Universe, is being aware everything is a delicate balance.
When a man has a stalker they have to be unattractive and perceived by the man to look like the landlady from "kingpin" so that men do not fall for their wiles and have affairs. It takes the burden off the man's shoulders and removes temptation. Their names always end with a "eeee" or "eeen" sound. They are pretty harmless unless the man tempts them with smilies.
However, when women have stalkers they are always attractive. This is so that the woman has someone to fantasise about while having sex with her husband. Again avoiding her going outside the marriage for an affair. This also takes the burden off the man's shoulders.
Carl's wife, you and I both know that the reason Carl gets violently ill and incredibly upset when you go to the store has nothing to do with his stalker. Although you have convinced him as much. The true reason is the do-nut you give him before you leave for the store is powdered by you with Arsenic. I should warn you that Arsenic is detectable in the bloodstream.
We like you Carl's wife and we know how frustrated you are at Carl's constant exposing of his script in public. Dusty will send you an email with our recommended course of action.
Your plight has touched many ASSES
unpoisoned respect
Kixx
Monday, June 2, 2008
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5 comments:
Arsenic? That can't be right. The label says "Donut Enhancer - Up to 3X more! Guaranteed results!"
Guess we'll have to return it.
Carl's wife, that would be 3X more vomiting, kills 'em quicker. Be careful of withdrawal...he may turn back into the man you married, thus undoing all of your good work
kind regards and good luck!
Dusty
Well, pee! When he said he was takin' a Donut Enhancer, I thought he meant Viagra!
And dang it all to heck! I DON'T look anything like that there landlady from "Kingpin!" *shakes fist*
I look more like that there Pamela Anderson chick.... minus the boobs.... and teeth.... and beautiful blonde hair... and long legs.... and firm arse.... and....
Awwww.... hella.... I DO look like that there landlady from "Kingpin!"
*flees blog sobbing*
Kayecee sounds purty hawt to me. I've allays wonted me one o' them thar ho'billy stalker wimmen. Expecially if'n she's missin' a few teeth.
Hay Dusty, can ya giver muh address?
Dear Uncle Cooter
Due to confidentiality we cannot provide contact details. However I can give you a few hints. Kayecee is one of your sisters and not the one that daddy is proud of.
Good luck in your search for love.
Dusty.x.
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